My Trail to Top

So I'm an Aries, I'll start there. I'm the first one in bed to be 'fuck it, let's fuck'. Or the one that knows how to divide and conquer. So I tended toward the opposite of all that pushiness
and loved when someone else was completely in control. But my top side was always in there.

It's quite evident in my reactions to certain sexual activities. I've always hated being distracted when giving oral, I get off purely by getting my partner off and I love getting people all hot and bothered and then leaving. Soliciting a reaction is the goal, being in control of some one's mind and toying with them. My tops and doms seem to have the same goal. If I'm not giving the proper response, punishment gets tougher.

So the more I practise doing to others what I love done to me the more i find that fire i love to illicit in my partners. That "yes i have the power" feeling and mine goes a little deeper into "and i know how good that must feel". I've been told it's like a fire in my eyes.

I'm still timid, but I'm learning and training, and I know it's there. I'm getting more confident in myself everyday. 

I proved it to myself, when I put two friends in rope harnesses and made one get on their knees for me. Without saying a word mind you and present me my chip. All in front of a boisterous crowd of over a hundred. I'm still growing and I can't wait to see what I'm able to become.e

My First Top

He was a hairy hippie guy. I messaged him on my favorite online dating site and we had struck up a conversation quickly. He brought up the movie Secretary fairly quickly and having never seen it, I had no idea what he was referencing. We met up for a couple of hours between my classes and walked around Berkeley talking about random shit. He brought back up Secretary and explained the reference this time. He went on to voice his frustration of the San Fransisco Community. He had created a group that was anarchist kinky people that had since fizzled out. I was instantly intrigued. He was my type, big bear hippy and into stuff I had only dreamed about. My mistress has since told me that even years before I had come into the scene officially, I exuded kinkiness. Much like a closeted queer person can be sniffed out with the right gaydar. I was spotted by her years earlier after a dyke march and now by him. He dropped me back off at class after a date at his place later that week.
I got to his place and got a shaky back message. I could feel he was restraining something and it scared and excited me to no end. We talked about spankings and other off handed stuff. This was my first negotiation. On a quick drive we went through where our kinks came from. Why I always wanted to submit and why he wanted to dominate. We had shared pasts in some dramatic ways. I learned more about where he grew up and what brought him to California.
He finally played with me. First he stood me up and grasped me in his way, making it clear that I was safe and that he was in control. He would do this every time we played, once before and once after, and even though I was right at chest level I never heard his heart beat fasten. It was always steady and in control, much like he was. He sat back down and had me lay over his knee. Ass in the perfect place for his right hand. He gave me the best spanking. Rhythmic and even. Heavy but still with some surprises. He brought me to the pain orgasm I knew was possible, but had never experienced before. I slowly meandered down the mountain of my explosion. As I layed in his lap, I was held by one strong arm and caressed by the other. I hid my face, having had tears of the release form in my eyes. He ran his fingers over my now bright red bottom and let me swim in my own world.
I finally got up and he was tickled by my squirms of trying to find a less stingy way to sit. I got to my feet at last and took a big step down from the clouds over a cigarette. Before I left I was given a homework assignment. Research 'subspace' because I didn't formally know about it, but knew the feeling. I left to go home in a dream.
That week every time I readjusted my jeans remembering his hand. Smiling to myself and going about my business, knowing there was only more to come.

St Patrick's Day

This arbitrary holiday just so happens to be the weekend before my birthday every year. So even though I'm not Irish in the least, I love to celebrate. In my drinking days it was an excuse to get fucked up, but so was Tuesday. And today I love dressing in green, my favorite color, and watching and laughing at good friends getting themselves shit faced. This year it was just a little bit different.
I started early that day and headed over to my tops house, I hadn't seen him in over a month and come to think of it, haven't seen him since. I brought up that it was my birthday and would appreciate my present early. He happily obliged. Started out with the ritualistic squeeze to his chest both from the front and from the back. A way to instill confidence. And bent me over setting my hands on the same spot on the couch as always. The 'hug' is as much warm up as I ever got from him, witch I don't mind. He alternated with a large paddle and a cane. Playing with my emotions as he never stayed on a rhythm and loved long pauses. My heart raced as he slowly ran the paddle up and down my ass. Or had the rattan run back and forth over my thighs. He put me over his knee and picked up a random piece of wood that was ruler like and used that. I love his big hands and how even he is with his spankings. Nothing feels more stingy or left out. He had me get back up several times rotating his utensil. I had just gotten my flogger in the mail and wanted to feel it. It commented on how light it is, but that didn't hinder him at all. He had me stand hands straight up in the air and not only flogged my back, getting a good sting out of the suede, but flogged my tits. Something he traditionally doesn't do, but it was my birthday after all. He pushed me onto the couch. Usually this meant I got to feel the my bruised butt. This time I got to spread my legs as far apart as I could and feel my flogger in places I always wanted him to touch. As he switched back and forth between my flogger and the wooden piece my ankles ended up besides my butt on the couch. Shedding a few distinct tears I looked up to finally see his sadistic side in his eyes. Something he had kept under control and hidden for months. It was amazing and I left after 3 hours only to sit awkwardly on the bus.
I went to pick up a friend that was freaking out about a STD she had just discovered. I got her back to her place and got a beer or two into her, just enough that I could get her pants off and with the help of the Internet play doctor. Sure enough her fears were true and we came up with a quick plan of action. First things first, more alcohol for her and a short, but fun time with her itty bitty flogger. She gasped when I showed her my ass and immediately had to take a picture for me. I was almost as black and blue as I was after my first scene. I ended up showing that picture off for the next week if not longer. She drunkenly did my make up and as long as we where taking pictures of my ass why not take them of my tits too? She compared them too her head and made a face book ID out of one of the shots.
I decided we needed to adventure, besides my friend lived right down the street. We wondered down that way. She crashed out on the couch and wouldn't move. So me and him snuck back to his room and started at it. He gets an instant boner when he sees me. So I jumped on it. I was so hot and bothered from my top earlier and just needed that spot I can never reach itched. He's good for that being a skinny little thing with an amazingly long cock. Sometimes I can't even fit it into me. We went for a quickly and then checked on my friend who had disappeared. She had wondered back to her place. I instinctively dragged him back into his room once finding out she was safe. But was put on hiatus because he had friends coming over, but I should stick around. I played the noddy bar tender. Mixed drinks and rubbed up against him the whole night. I had a blast. As people started to space out or leave I got him into bed again. He was so uncomfortable with the exhibitionism. It was super cute. I changed his mind with not much of a fight. Just got a hold of that nice hard cock with my mouth and all his inhibitions evaporated. First he took me laying down. My back to his, trying to move as little as possible and keep very quiet. Once I convinced him that his friend was truly out cold, he let me ride him. stuffing my own underwear into my mouth to try to muffle my screams. It didn't work for long. As he hit my cervix with his head I shook uncontrollable with explosions all the way down my legs and up through my belly. Every once in a while he would grab a nipple in his mouth and it was over. I was moaning for the whole house to hear. I gushed all over him as he filled his rubber. We melted besides each other, struggling to fill our lungs. It took us maybe 15 min and we decided to put our cloths back on to sleep. We were both all sticky, so a shower was in order. We snuck naked passed his friend on the chair and into the bathroom. Back attached at the mouth, it didn't take us long for me to be sitting on top of him again. A tile floor and cold bath tub wasn't the best place. I got up and was pressed against the counter by him. Once unleashed he can be quite the animal. I'm a little too short and he's just a little too tall for that to work right away. So he lifted me up onto the counter and fucked me against the mirror. It was amazing and a first for me. When I thought I was in the most unattractive position, half curled up and legs askew he exclaimed how gorgeous I was and how lucky he was to be fucking me. This boy worships the ground I walk on. We ended with a quick shower and didn't get back to bed till 6am. Both exhausted we didn't even bother getting dressed and passed out in each other's arms.
It was quite amazing, and it all started with the attitude of 'why not?'